Angela Grout, Author    

In the Middle of the Night, I awake and Write.

The nudge of my Dream becomea real yet unseen.

Then ink stains a page, magically bringing thoughts to be seen.

A science class.

A chalkboard.

Trimesters divided and explained.

 A Pregnancy...

What could happen when the carrier dies....will the idea survive?

Do we bury our ideas...or can we gift them?

Birthing a Book, Business. Birthing a Song, a new Venture; or simply a dream.

Do we bury within?

Will we bury it below?

Shall we gift it?

The footprints in the snow leave more blood than answers.

Oh a dream.

Oh a thought.

Revealing a story, a message, an inspiration as the ink dries on pages.

A teacher dies.

A flower exploded.

But...I repair it. I repair the flower, I kow the teacher.

The stain on the rug dries, and the truth of the lessons learned bring me guidance.

Looking at me with her fluffy hair...I know. I know.

"Listen to me" she says softly,

I cannot fathom her request...so I drive away.

The dogs are barking.

The snow is fresh.

He looks somber as I make a request.

"Open the Casket." I whisper to him.

She echos in my ear, "I am beautiful. Too beautiful for you."

I pull away from the embrace, learning he never did look her in the face.

In the middle of the night, I understand her fate.

Innocent yet guilty of a secret she had to face.

Hiding evidence, he plants what he must.

Knowing the truth of why he came home so late.

Now she is dead. 

A bullet to the head.

And I am faced with ink stains on my bed. 

Dreaming, Writing, Living, Breathing.

The visit of a dream, brings so much inspiration and yet so many questions.

Writing the answers is a process. Knowing the answer is a guess.

Sharing the story is a gift.

THE TRAIL OF BALLOONS

A MONOLOGUE BY AM GROUT

2020-Performed online with Majestic Theater Summer 2020- see You Tube channel- performed by :

2022- Open Mic Performance at the 2022 IWWG Conference- Monologue- performed by Angela Grout

Video to be attached ASAP.

When I was five, I left a birthday party with a blue balloon in my hand. It wasn’t a special balloon but when I got outside the wind swept it from me and it drifted off to the sky. I was so upset that I didn’t hold it tight enough. My grandmother offered to get me another balloon but I wanted that one. She said, “Bobby, it wasn’t your fault. Heaven needed it now. Have faith and trust that God will keep it save for you and one day you will see again.”

Months later, my mom was in the final stages of kidney failure. I didn’t know her kidneys were failing her but I knew she was sick. She had been sick all the time over the past few years. Dad moved me and my sister away from her and out of the house. He told us it was better for all of us. I imagined she was contagious. I didn’t see her often but we did talk on the phone frequently. She had doctor’s appointments and tests every day. She told me there were some days she would throw up for hours after her treatments.

When Mom died, Dad said it was because Mom stopped getting treatments. I wasn’t sad like most would think. I was actually relieved she wasn’t suffering anymore. I told Dad “I hope God takes care of her just like he is taking care of that balloon I lost.” Dad smiled and said, “Yes, I am sure he will.”

The day of mom’s wake, there were bunches of balloons at the entrance of the funeral home. I walked in and saw the casket across the room. It was metal and shiny like Dad’s truck. Hesitating for a minute, I approached the open casket and looked in. I expected to see mom but that is not what I saw.

I looked around the room and saw a big letter “B” made out of flowers. I didn’t understand, Mom’s name was Dianne and that was D not B. A man in a black suit entering the room carrying another wreath of flowers. There wasn’t a need for more flowers but he placed them on an easel next to the casket. I ran over to him and asked, “Where is my mother?”

That is when I heard her voice. She was sitting on a couch in the back of the room. She was holding a blue balloon.

I ran over to her and she handed me the balloon. I was so excited. I hugged her tight, careful to not let go of the balloon. Then all of a sudden, one of the balloons in the doorway popped. I jumped and said, “Mom, What is going on?”

With tears in her eyes, she held me a little closer and whispered “I am so sorry. My addiction cost me your life and mine.”

I looked at her and said, “It’s okay Mom. God will take care of you, just like this balloon. And you won’t be suffering anymore with your pain. It’s not your fault.”

She cried louder and kept repeating how sorry she was. Then a door next to the casket opened revealing a long hallway. A bearded man appeared dressed in white, calling her name and said, “Dianna, It’s time.”

She squeezed me once more and stuttered the words, “I love you. I will see you soon.”, then she walked to the door and slowly disappeared in the hallway.

The man adjusting the flowers was now turning on a television in the corner of the room. I asked him, “Where did my mom go?” He ignored me. A video containing photos of my family scrolled on the screen. I looked back in the casket and saw the body lying there looked like me. I touched the hand, it was cold. I poked the face and it was stiff.

The boy in the casket was wearing my favorite shirt and sneakers. I felt like Greg in the book called Diary of a Wimpy Kid. I read it with Dad this summer. Greg had x-ray vision, and somehow I could tell this boy even had my favorite socks on. I must be dreaming I thought. I remember someone talking about when someone you love dies, you lose a part of yourself. Maybe that was what this was. I guess I loved my mom more than I ever knew. But I loved my Dad too, and I wished he was here.

A second later, I heard my father’s voice. I ran over to him and hugged him. “Dad, I am so glad you are here. You have to look in the casket, it’s so weird.” Dad remained silent. He was looking at a card on that had fallen from one of the flower designs. The card read, ‘Your son will be remembered in our hearts forever.’

The funeral director placed a comforting hand on Dad’s shoulder and expressed his condolences. Dad said, “I can’t believe this is really happening. One minute we were tossing a ball to distract him from crying about his mom, and then in an instant, Bobby was lying in the road. Why couldn’t I have saved him?” Tears began to well in his eyes.

Dad knelt down at the casket and placed his hand on mine. He said, “Son, I am so sorry. I failed you. I wish I could have been a better father.”

Dad’s hand was warm. I put my hand on his shoulder and said, “Dad you have nothing to be sorry about, you are the greatest Dad ever. I love you.” Dad whispered back, “I will always love you.”

A beautiful woman dressed in shades of blue entered the room. She motioned for me to come near her. “Hello my child,” she says, then her arms extend like angel wings and she caressed my shoulders.

I looked into her eyes and saw the most wonderful light. The light came from beyond her eyes, beyond her soul. Her soft wings continued to caress my arm and she share with me this story.

“This is the gift of the spirit. You were made from this light and now you must return. Though it is far earlier than expected, you will be welcomed home just the same. Tears will dry. Know there is no need to breathe here, you will just be. You will hear all the kind words, and see so much. There is so much love that all your fears will disappear. You will remain in the hearts of many and reside in the arms of God forever.”

I found myself surrounded by blue balloons. The balloons embraced me, filled me with love and healed my wounds. The video played in the back of the room showing the life I lived. It was pretty great. It wasn’t the story of a wimpy kid, it was the hero of a brother, the partner of a father, and a proud member of a family.

The blue lady adjusted the balloon in my hand and said, “New memories can be made, but nothing will ever be the same.” And together we floated to the heavens with that balloon.

Dad walked outside to get some fresh air. Silently he whispered, “I need a sign.” When he opened his eyes, a single blue balloon brushed his head as it floated to the sky.

Jessica Briggs didn't take Plan B, but what happens to her has happened when proper medical care is overlooked. The reversal of Roe vs. Wade is demonstrated in Jessica's story...unplanned and preventable.

It is frightening to think there are girls like Jessica who may have to find medical attention/professionals on the sidelines to help.

Yes two lives are at stake with a pregnancy however saving a septic mother shouldn't be a question. 

Jessica Briggs's death puts more lives at stake than an unborn baby. Want more???  

Jessica's story is available on Amazon!  Purchase and Read AM Grout's APRIL RAiN, Innocent Motives and Guitly Secrets

https://www.amazon.com/APRIL-RAiN-Jessica-Innocent-Motives/dp/1099937248/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=april+rain&qid=1674617877&sr=8-2" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://https://www.amazon.com/APRIL-RAiN-Jessica-Innocent-Motives/dp/1099937248/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=april+rain&qid=1674617877&sr=8-2

Bobby G and me discuss grief and I get to request a song that makes me sing...."This is a story about a girl..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCHftM9LwfE&t=2342s" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCHftM9LwfE&t=2342s

We must trust.

We must be trustful.

We must have faith.

We must be faith filled.

We must use our abilities to make a difference.

To fill the world with kind words, actions, and gestures.

This will prevail over any anxiety.

Some need rainbows.

Some need the signs.

Many need them to know me.

For I am the darkness that can see through the cloud.

My light shines even on the darkest of days.

In the darkest of nights, I find a way to lighten your heart... so that you may be light.

Do not fear me.

Fear only the fear of knowing life evolves at the right pace.

Peace be with you.