Angela Grout, Author    

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Poetry & Stories

Advice from a Frog

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on August 13, 2019 at 9:50 AM Comments comments (0)
I adjusted my eyes to see exactly what I was imagining within the glow of the campfire. The reality of the two little eyes that were staring back at me was real. It was a frog. The little frog had hopped into the firepit and was shivering under a log. Attempting to move the flames away from him, I hoped he would jump out of the pit. He did not. I knew I could not stick my own hand in or I would be burnt, so I pondered what to do as he retracted further into the pit behind some cardboard. I told him to get out but his eyes just blinked at me. We stared at each other for a minute, then I quietly said a prayer that God's will be done, knowing whatever happened was not my fault. I could only do so much, it was just a frog. If it were a child, I obviously would grab the hose to extinguish the flame. I thought to myself, "Its just a frog. What am I suppose to do? I can't just extinguish this fire to save it. So many are enjoying the fire, roasting marshmallows and relaxing in front of it. Should I make a scene?" My mind repeated, "It is just a frog." Instantly I thought of Prince Charming...he was once a frog wasn't he? The story of the Frog and the Princess came to mind, and I imagined some girl losing her prince charming. I grabbed a stick and poked the cardboard sending it flying over the flames, the frog sat there again his eyes looking at me for a split second before he hopped away and out of the firepit. As he landed in the gravel below the rocks surrounding the flames, he paused again and turned his head at me and said, "I should have looked before I leaped into that pit. I assumed it was a safe place but it was too hot for me. I like to swim and splash in the water. Fire is no laughing matter, thank you for giving me room to move, to feel safe, and to live longer." I smiled and knew the truth of Dr. Suess's words, a person is a person no matter how small. One lucky prince is free and he made quite an impact on me.

Red Rose Reflection

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on August 8, 2019 at 9:30 AM Comments comments (0)
That man brought those flowers. Paid cash and asked to be anonymous. He was a friend. A friend of hers from high school. He knew she was an addict. He always found her attractive and would have liked to maintain a relationship with her but she chose the drugs over him. Heartbroken, he went on his way and had a successful life in all he did, but always felt like a failure for not being able to help her. Now he was helping, decorating her lonely memorial service with multiple floral designs. Her daughter wondered where they came from, as she sat alone in the room with her mother's ashes. Someone loved her mother besides just her, and the drug dealers and the drugs. The daughter mourned with the friends from the AA. Those friends witnessed her stand before them week after week announcing she was back on track, even though she hadn't had a successful weekend without a drink. She wanted to. She had good intentions. Each week she pleaded for her sobriety and addiction to be in control but it controlled her. She died in her sleep. Her daughter discovering her in the morning laying in her own vomit and covered with track marks. She passed away alone, leaving her only daughter more alone. At the memorial service, there were no words that could bring her back. There was no mentions of any love for her daughter. The flowers stared back at her as she questioned her mothers love and actions. Those drugs took her mother and now all that is left is an urn on the table with a photo of her selfie. And flowers, so many flowers. No card message accompanied these flowers. No sign of where they came from but the fragrance is amazing, and the colors so bright. The red roses burst with their color within the mix of lilies and carnations and snap dragons. Mom loved snap dragons, often stopping to admire the garden at our neighbors. She gave me a red rose once. It was my high school graduation day. I pressed that rose and now found myself reaching for the one next to her picture. There would be no burial. I can not afford that. She sits on my mantle. The rose dried next to her. Some nights I yell at her. Some nights I cry silently asking, "Why?" I don't know who my father is. I don't have any siblings. No cousins to call my own and well her parents just disowned us after I destroyed their house because I didn't want to live with them. I wanted to be with my mom. Mom made it right. She got me back. She got a job and taught me to work too. We split the rent. Now I am alone. I know I need a roommate because I don't want to be alone. There is this guy, he might want in, but I am afraid he wants more than just a room. But I am afraid and along, and broke with only this home. Mom placed her drink on that mantle and now all that is there is what the drinks didn't take of her. That is not the mother I want. Two years have passed and now I carry my own daughter within me, I know how much mom did love me. For over twelve years she did. Until that guy impressed with her more than drinks! My guy didn't impress me with a drink, he carefully created a shrine to place my mother in so that he could be thankful that she made me who I am. His arms welcomed me, and his knee asked for me. All of me. The lonely, the scared, the mad, and the scarred. And I felt his love growing inside of me and realized it was a part of me which was once a part of the goodness she was for me. Thank you mom for bringing me into this world. I am not mad at you for leaving, just the why and how. I understand your loneliness and I know you were never lonely when I was with you. Now I am without you, and I look at your shrine and pray for your love to shine down on us now. Then the stars on the Christmas tree twinkled with a glow that led my eyes to the picture tucked under the urn. I forgot it was there, I put it there on a dark angry night, refusing to look at that selfie. I called her selfish, but now I know it is me being selfish for not letting my love for her show. I lifted the urn, and hugged the photo. With a light kiss on her lips I leaned it on her remains. After the birth of my daughter, my husband brought me two gifts. One was a small portrait of mom that he commissioned a painter to paint. All framed and ready to sit in her shrine. The other was a red rose.

How to Find Peace.

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on February 10, 2017 at 10:45 PM Comments comments (1)
Did you know when you die, your problems remain? Not health problems, but whatever the issues you didn't deal with. They remain to be solved by you. But how? The answer my friend is in the love that you shared. The love you received and the love you become. So don't procrastinate, live your life and find peace with your abilities. If you can't have peace, know it is the same in heaven. The truth is that being on good terms with people while in body, allows you the easiest transition to live your life fully in spirit and with spirit. Have no worry about peace in spirit. In heaven there is peace. Peace as you melt into the oneness of creation. Yet those in body still will remember you and remember if you had peace while on earth and peace with them. Wish yourself peace on earth this day and always. But how will you find peace? It begins in your heart. Through Accepting yourself, others and the world. And trusting that acceptance doesn't always mean believing in certain values. Acceptance gifts you peace. Peace to know you don't have to be judge, jury, or the change. Peace allows you to follow your heart to know all are created with the intention to be exactly who they are. And that perfection may not be perfect for you, but the grass is only greener when you care for your world. Your world is the world. Make it better by choosing to accept, love, and be kind to all.

Wanger Moment

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on January 17, 2017 at 12:00 AM Comments comments (0)
There is a love that surrounds you. It nurtures precious memories to hug your spirit and make life unconditionally awesome.

Wanger Moment

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on January 12, 2017 at 11:30 PM Comments comments (0)
A road paved with good intention creates a path worth the journey.

Living Judgement Free

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on January 1, 2017 at 3:25 AM Comments comments (0)
There is no time to waste passing judgement, or always trying to please someone, or needing approval. Yes there are rules and guidelines to learn in order to live peacefully, and healthily, and happily. Being a good person allows you the right to enjoy life. You know what is right for you. Don't worry about what is right for others. Living judgement free and honoring people for who they are is the first step. The remaining steps after that bring joy, happiness and extreme experiences of living life fully. Only when you smile, you are living joy. Only when you love, you are living life. Love yourself first so you will have love to give. Love the gift of life so you will know what a gift it is for all!

You are Perfect

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on December 21, 2016 at 3:20 AM Comments comments (0)
When you aren't happy with yourself, you focus on what needs to be changed. The real act isn't that you need to change, its that you need to discover who you are. Its the discovery that you are accepting and knowing you are perfect. God made you to be. You are the same person you were born to be. Ever developing, ever evolving, and always acceptable to be you! Use that authenticity to always be you in the best form. Love the world, create happy moments, and bring "good news". It is the season to remember to take time to celebrate all the good news. The best news is that you were born to be you and you are still doing that job well!!

Four Leaf Clover

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on December 18, 2016 at 1:05 PM Comments comments (0)
Some people search their whole life for a four leaf clover. Looking for a sign. Looking for Hope, wanting Peace, and often just needing a little olive branch. Some people know that finding a clover is a blessing. Providing a message. Providing an answer to a prayer, receiving the Love, and often just feeling not alone. Some people wish upon a star fearful to surrender to their heart. Protecting their love. Protecting themselves of the heartache of giving themselves to another. Some people learn that with an open mind, others are there. Compassionate. And clearly caring, extending their ear to share in the gift of friendship. Some people want to say thank you to the four leaf clover. Knowing the blessing in its beauty. Knowing the blessing that friendship is real. The gift to discover is all friendship is like a four leaf clover. Find and keep the ones meant for you.

Christmas Gift to Spirit. And My experience with Ashley.

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on December 17, 2016 at 10:45 PM Comments comments (0)
A Christmas Gift to the Holy Spirit...In thanksgiving for the collateral beauty that life ahs. (And yes, I saw the movie on opening night, and it was amazing! Highly recommend it. I share in its message for it is so real!) The author in me needs to take a moment for this reflection post. To tell part of my story as a thanksgiving to spirit, for I know how real it is. Thank You Spirit for the blessing of meeting beautiful souls, especially Ashley Marie Guindon and Andrea Borsari, whose presence in the world became a presence to my soul after their earthly life was over. It is Christmas time, a time to be joyful and not mourn. So in celebration, I am joyful to remember Jesus's birth. For without his life, I would never come to understand either of yours. Your spirit was taken from your earthly body, just as Jesus. And still, you remain in my presence so often. I am honored to have gotten to know you, and share parts of our journey together. The gift of Spirit is one that many fear sharing, as I do on many occasions, however just as Jesus enlightened the world, so you do too. Everything unfolds at the right time, and as intended. So with that faith, I share these words with those in need of knowing God's love is real. Miss Ashley was a girl, a brother, a friend, a daughter, and a neighbor that I never knew on earth. We never met face to face until the day of her Acension. Her spirit, friendship, and guidance remains a gift that I humbly and cautiously embrace. The sorrows she endured and the pain that her passing brought touched so many during her life, and even now. I cannot explain why she came to me but with heartfelt sorrow, I welcomed her. Some dreams are dreams, and some dreams become reality. The words that were written, spoke to me then, and now. They directed the path I was to take. Even today, with Spirit allowing her, her guidance unfolds in my life with gifts of enlightenment. The magic in the air surrounding ones passing may come and go, and when loneliness sets in, there are moments of isolation that allows the loss to feel all too real. And it is. It is real. In His Spirit, they share with me, that the love that surrounds them from our Heavenly Father can be most compared to the comfort a newborn feels as they cuddle into their mothers arms, melting into her heartbeat, and remembering that they were once one. For we are all one with the Spirit of God, and that is the Spirit which I know carried Ashley safely to heavens where she will wait for us all. It is the same Spirit that carries all our loved ones. And they will wait, for time is not as we know it, and so we need not hurry, they will wait. As I mentioned in other poems, we yearn to be reunited but we must commit to live our lives with fulfillment until our name is called. Spirit is a word to encompass the love of God. In that Spirit, I know God protects, guides, and encourages me in so many ways. I only wish I will follow all the advice, but I am merely human. Ashley is an angel, A Guide. A Beautiful Spirit. (If I followed her encouragement, I would be in boot camp everyday...she is much stronger than me. A role model, a friends, and angel with a duty to restore peace.) Andrea too. It is my honor, my duty, and my "call" to be a friend to her and to all. Some things can be called coincidences, but some moments are more. All are gifts from God's love, God' Spirit, and I am so thankful. From Ashley's roses, to her friends, to her Mother's embrace, to my own hesitation, and her Dad's embrace. She has graced me face to face and shown me her badge of honors. Her sincere smile brings both fun and fierceness. These are just a few of the gifts she has shared with me. Ashley has exemplified what "call of duty" is, not only in her life, but in others, and in mine. As a florist, I know my job, my call, my talent, but on a spiritual path, she reminds me of my duty, my free will and my gift. I thank her for giving me the gentle push and reminding me that I am also a writer of Spirit's word. I must share. My hope is by sharing, others may find comfort, and I may grow confident; for when God knocks, I will always answer. There are those whose presence in the world becomes a presence in your soul after death; encouraging life's journey abundantly.

A salute to the call of duty

Posted by angela.grout@comcast.net on November 11, 2016 at 7:10 AM Comments comments (0)
Service is a gift all are born with. Service is an act all could give. Service is an action served in many different ways. Personal reflection honors the highest good. Public reflection honors mankind in the highest. Serving others is respectful. Respectful of creation. Respectful of life. Respectful of death. Serving nurtures, protects, guides, honors, respects, and above all teaches. We serve as family, friends, and humans. There are many that dedicate their life in public service. They took action and followed through. They honored an oath. They have given their life, all of it. Today especially, there is a call from the deepest part of our hearts. To thank, to cherish, and to appreciate their dedication. Being called to the line of duty is powerful. Answering the call is courageous. Serving the call is brave. Be proud. Be strong. Be appreciated.